1 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:06,780 There are a lot of things I never expected would happen to me. 2 00:00:07,020 --> 00:00:08,980 One was being paid to shoot my mouth off. 3 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:10,880 Another was owning a vacuum cleaner. 4 00:00:11,260 --> 00:00:15,500 But the thing that seemed the most impossible was that I, Jack Stein, would 5 00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:16,500 fall in love. 6 00:00:16,940 --> 00:00:18,240 And boy, am I in love. 7 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,220 Now, you know, I've been with Wally for four months. 8 00:00:21,580 --> 00:00:23,540 But I never actually told her I love her. 9 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,640 In fact, I've never actually said those words to any woman before. 10 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,220 So tonight, I'm going to do it. 11 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:30,800 I got a bottle of champagne. 12 00:00:31,180 --> 00:00:32,460 It's a beautiful full moon. 13 00:00:33,519 --> 00:00:34,519 Oh, yeah. 14 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:37,100 I could not have picked a better night. 15 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:39,580 Hi, everybody. 16 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,200 Is that the most perfect full moon out there? 17 00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:45,120 Is Wally in the kitchen? I still don't want to tell her. Go in there, man. 18 00:00:45,580 --> 00:00:46,519 Why, what's the matter? 19 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:49,080 Well, let's just say that Wally's not herself today, Jack. 20 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:50,440 She yelled at me. 21 00:00:50,660 --> 00:00:51,459 Wow, really? 22 00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:54,860 Yeah, just lashed out. Said my ice cubes weren't square enough. 23 00:00:55,780 --> 00:00:59,060 I make the squarest damn ice cubes in the whole damn world, damn it. 24 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,180 Yeah, she told me I smelled funny. 25 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:03,720 I'm a garbage man. 26 00:01:04,019 --> 00:01:06,040 I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't know. 27 00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:09,220 She sounds like Wally's having a pretty bad day. 28 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:10,980 She's a little cheered up, that's all. 29 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:13,920 She just needs to be reminded of everything that's going right in her 30 00:01:14,380 --> 00:01:17,920 So, should we go with the plain pine box, or would you like one of those 31 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:18,920 mahogany jars? 32 00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:24,160 Will you stop stirring the sauce like that, Nadine? You're wrecking the sauce. 33 00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:27,720 I am? I'm so sorry. How am I stirring? 34 00:01:28,060 --> 00:01:31,240 Back and forth like that, like some sort of crazy back and forth machine. 35 00:01:32,190 --> 00:01:33,990 You have to stir in a circle. 36 00:01:34,230 --> 00:01:37,490 Why? Because the sauce has to taste around. 37 00:01:38,490 --> 00:01:39,490 Around. 38 00:01:40,450 --> 00:01:41,450 Give me the spoon. 39 00:01:41,570 --> 00:01:43,410 Sure, Wally. You take the spoon. 40 00:01:43,710 --> 00:01:44,790 The spoon is your friend. 41 00:01:45,910 --> 00:01:47,930 Run, Jack. Run for your life. 42 00:01:49,010 --> 00:01:52,870 Henry, you stir in a circle. 43 00:01:54,230 --> 00:01:55,350 Hi, Wally. How's it going? 44 00:01:55,590 --> 00:01:59,950 How is it going? I'll tell you how it's going. No, I'll show you how it's going. 45 00:02:00,410 --> 00:02:01,850 Look at that carrot, Jack. 46 00:02:02,270 --> 00:02:03,330 Just look at it. 47 00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:08,509 What's wrong with it? It's big. It's orange. It's a big orange carrot. 48 00:02:10,110 --> 00:02:12,310 You just don't get it, do you, Jack? 49 00:02:14,030 --> 00:02:15,110 Oh, I'm getting it. 50 00:02:19,010 --> 00:02:22,150 Why do you have flowers in champagne, Jack? What's going on? 51 00:02:22,990 --> 00:02:24,690 Actually, these aren't for you, Wally. 52 00:02:25,090 --> 00:02:27,250 These are for... Henry! 53 00:02:27,790 --> 00:02:29,110 Come on over here, you rascal. 54 00:02:30,830 --> 00:02:33,350 You've been working your tail off around here. I don't want you to think it had 55 00:02:33,350 --> 00:02:34,350 gone unnoticed. 56 00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:37,430 I don't know what to say. 57 00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:42,170 Don't read anything more into this than there is, okay, Henry? 58 00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:47,170 Look, Wally, there was something I wanted to tell you, but obviously now is 59 00:02:47,170 --> 00:02:50,670 the right time, and I think I have a pretty good idea of why you're in such a 60 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:51,638 bad mood. 61 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:54,460 I'm going to leave now, but I'd like to just say one thing before I go. 62 00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:56,060 My doll. 63 00:02:59,460 --> 00:03:00,460 Hey there, everybody. 64 00:03:02,860 --> 00:03:06,440 We're looking at the actor who has just landed a three -day role on the new 65 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:07,440 Kojak. 66 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:10,480 That's right. 67 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:15,040 You are talking to Detective Dan Gil -Lombardi, a hard -as -nails specialist 68 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:18,540 serial killings who is also questioning his sexual identity. 69 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:21,700 Nice twist, huh? 70 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:26,020 Let me ask you something, Kip. When you were married to Wally, did she have 71 00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:30,960 moods? What are you asking me if she had moods? In a circle, Henry! That's an 72 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,140 awful forgot thing! 73 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:34,359 Uh -oh. 74 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,980 It's that time of month, isn't it? You don't think she saw me come in here, do 75 00:03:36,980 --> 00:03:37,980 you? 76 00:03:38,180 --> 00:03:41,820 Just hang in there, guys. It'll only last for about 24 hours. But if I were 77 00:03:41,940 --> 00:03:43,420 I'd keep all the exits clear. 78 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,460 Excuse me. 79 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:52,600 Oh, my God, look who just walked in. Oh, no, it's Casper Hirsch. Who's he? He's 80 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,560 the restaurant critic for our paper. No one's supposed to know what he looks 81 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,760 like, so we can slip in and review a restaurant anonymously. 82 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,600 Like he's doing right now. 83 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:03,480 Oh, man, talk about your lousy brakes. 84 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:05,620 That's the last thing Squeaky Fromm and their needs. 85 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:06,739 You're right, Jack. 86 00:04:06,740 --> 00:04:10,360 This could very well be the straw that sent her right around the bend, couldn't 87 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,580 it? She might just flip out and have a complete breakdown. 88 00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:15,340 I'll run and tell her right now. Would you cut it out? 89 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:20,000 Look, maybe we just shouldn't tell her who he is at all. It could really take 90 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,079 her off her game in the kitchen. 91 00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:25,740 I mean, considering how she reacts to stress during this, her special time. 92 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,200 Well, I'm with you. I say we put her in a hut till Tuesday. 93 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,200 Okay, that's it then. Nobody tells her who it is. 94 00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:41,060 What's going on here? 95 00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:43,280 Are you talking about me? 96 00:04:44,780 --> 00:04:47,160 You are, aren't you? You're all talking about me. 97 00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:49,840 Oh, my God. 98 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,280 What? It's Casper Hirsch. 99 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:04,220 Nadine, don't turn around and make any sudden motion. Oh, my God. Are we being 100 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,140 robbed? No, Nadine. 101 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:10,040 Just listen to what I have to say. The man you are talking with is Casper 102 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:11,820 Hirsch, the restaurant critic from Jack's newspaper. 103 00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:16,370 He likes to catch people off guard, which is why the service has to be 104 00:05:16,370 --> 00:05:20,970 excellent, but not so friendly that he thinks we know who he is. I understand 105 00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:24,030 completely, but I'm afraid he's not a very nice man, Wally. 106 00:05:24,230 --> 00:05:25,790 But the guy is a real creep. 107 00:05:26,010 --> 00:05:28,850 He put his own mother in a nursing home just to get her washer -dryer. 108 00:05:29,970 --> 00:05:34,010 And last month I saw him shove a stick into the spokes of a guy's wheelchair so 109 00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:35,590 he could get ahead of him in line at the movies. 110 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:37,910 Oh, this is perfect. 111 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,500 If anybody wants me, I'll be opening a Chuck E. Cheese in Des Moines. 112 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,120 You're killing me. 113 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,460 I can't stand to see you going through this. 114 00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:51,400 Maybe I should tell her I love her now. That'd make her feel better. 115 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:54,560 What am I doing? 116 00:05:55,220 --> 00:05:56,220 Am I insane? 117 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,140 Not only was she laughing in my face, she'd probably poke my eye out with a 118 00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:00,140 tampon. 119 00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:06,780 Miss Smith, I'm ready to order. 120 00:06:07,370 --> 00:06:09,410 Good luck, Nadine. He doesn't scare me. 121 00:06:10,890 --> 00:06:13,110 Yes, are you ready to hear our specials now? 122 00:06:13,850 --> 00:06:14,910 If I have to. 123 00:06:15,510 --> 00:06:16,510 All righty. 124 00:06:16,890 --> 00:06:21,630 We have a very delicate homemade ravioli stuffed with chicken and fennel. I hate 125 00:06:21,630 --> 00:06:23,870 fennel. I hate it more than anything. 126 00:06:25,290 --> 00:06:31,170 Well, then we have a grilled tuna with tomato and olive compote. I hate tuna 127 00:06:31,170 --> 00:06:32,710 I hate the word compote. 128 00:06:34,190 --> 00:06:36,210 Don't say compote again. 129 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:42,960 And finally, we have a wonderful rack of lamb with rosemary and garlic. How do 130 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,060 you know it's wonderful? 131 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,580 You people don't have to eat any of this crap. 132 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:50,580 All you care about is whether you get a good tip or not. And don't stand so 133 00:06:50,580 --> 00:06:53,220 close to me. You're sucking all the air out of my face. 134 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,800 Would you like a moment to think about it? No. 135 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:04,920 I will risk my life on the calf's liver with port wine and ginger. 136 00:07:06,950 --> 00:07:08,130 Ooh, let's hope. 137 00:07:13,970 --> 00:07:16,250 Abe, I think he wants you. 138 00:07:17,110 --> 00:07:20,890 You mean, you think that man is snapping his fingers at me? 139 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,910 Oh, my God, he's coming over here. 140 00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:27,850 Okay, heads up, everybody. Horse's ass at 2 o 'clock. 141 00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:34,090 Excuse me, bartender? 142 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:39,720 Yes? I ordered a Manhattan, and I'm not a chemist, so I'm at a loss as to what 143 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,320 you actually poured into that glass. 144 00:07:41,780 --> 00:07:46,320 But if it's bourbon, and if it is vermouth, then the proportions are all 145 00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:48,940 Make the drink again. This time, do it right. 146 00:07:51,380 --> 00:07:52,380 Abe? 147 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,280 Well, hello, Stein. 148 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:56,500 Tynan! 149 00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:00,540 It's true. You two hang out in this swamp hole. 150 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,780 Yeah, we love it here. I mean, we really love it. And you know, the food is 151 00:08:04,780 --> 00:08:09,920 incredible. What exactly would that mean, according to your standards, 152 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:13,280 Extra packets of ketchup and a moist towelette? 153 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:19,800 Acceptable. 154 00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:24,900 Abe, I know that must have been hard, but listen, I'm glad you controlled 155 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:28,200 yourself the way you did. Yeah, yeah, I feel real good about that. 156 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,880 Of course, it also helps I gave him a glass I used to gargle with. 157 00:08:36,039 --> 00:08:37,179 Mac, let me ask you something. 158 00:08:37,460 --> 00:08:40,400 I have heard something about Hirsch that I've never been able to confirm. 159 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:42,880 That he takes bribes? Yeah, you heard that too? 160 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,680 You know that rating system he has? One fork is good, two forks is very good, 161 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:47,720 and three forks is excellent. 162 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,320 I heard it's 500 bucks a fork. 163 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:51,080 Oh, wow. 164 00:08:51,340 --> 00:08:52,299 Now what? 165 00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:53,320 Do I tell Wally? 166 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,180 She's not going to like the idea of my bribing a critic. 167 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:58,040 What should I do, Mac? 168 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,240 How the hell should I know? I lost interest in the conversation as soon as 169 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,240 realized it wasn't about me. 170 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:05,960 I gotta tell her. 171 00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:09,900 Wally. 172 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,200 Wally. I can't talk now, Jack. I'm busy. 173 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:14,540 I'm not asking you to talk. 174 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,900 I want you to listen, and listen with an open mind so you can make the right 175 00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:18,900 decision. 176 00:09:19,180 --> 00:09:21,920 I have an ungood authority that Casper Hurst can be bought. 177 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,200 What? Are you serious? 178 00:09:27,580 --> 00:09:31,560 Oh, my God. I know what you're thinking. You're outraged, you're disillusioned, 179 00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:32,600 you have every right to be. 180 00:09:32,860 --> 00:09:34,820 But, Wally, you've got to be practical about this. 181 00:09:35,740 --> 00:09:39,260 What are you saying, Jack? That I, a woman who was named one of the most 182 00:09:39,260 --> 00:09:43,120 promising chefs in the city, should bribe Casper Hirsch for a good review? 183 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,280 Is that what you think I should do? 184 00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:46,560 No way. 185 00:09:46,940 --> 00:09:50,740 Henry, reduce this port for another minute. Look, Wally, come on, you've got 186 00:09:50,740 --> 00:09:51,439 face it. 187 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,560 You're never going to get three forks your way. 188 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,890 Fair or not, Casperhurst gives you a bad review, it can close you down. 189 00:09:58,810 --> 00:09:59,810 Unbelievable. 190 00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:02,090 Really unbelievable. 191 00:10:02,910 --> 00:10:03,910 Oh, Wallet. 192 00:10:04,210 --> 00:10:07,010 I thought maybe I shouldn't tell you, and I'm really sorry. 193 00:10:07,490 --> 00:10:09,230 The world can be a horrible place sometimes. 194 00:10:10,070 --> 00:10:13,650 Look, if you want to cry or something, I'm here for you. 195 00:10:16,710 --> 00:10:17,689 How much? 196 00:10:17,690 --> 00:10:22,300 What? How much? How much money is the bride? Come on, come on. 500 bucks a 197 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,320 Are you sure? Meg told me. Get her in here. 198 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,580 Meg, come on. 199 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,880 Are you sure you can do it? You really think you can do it? 200 00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:31,560 Oh, Wally, you're cooking liver. 201 00:10:31,780 --> 00:10:32,780 Is it yours, Jack? 202 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,220 Meg, are you sure that this guy, Hirsch, can be bought, or are you just setting 203 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:37,879 me up? 204 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,960 Gee, that would have been a blast. But, no, my info's good. 205 00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:42,560 Okay, let's go for it. 206 00:10:42,820 --> 00:10:44,260 She's going to go for it. What a woman. 207 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,840 I've got $75 in my purse. What do you have, Jack? I think I got about $100. 208 00:10:49,180 --> 00:10:50,180 Meg, can you help me out? 209 00:10:50,420 --> 00:10:53,680 Normally I'd say no, but let's face it. If this place closes, I'll be spending 210 00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:56,060 my time in pottery class at City College. Here. 211 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:57,880 Take everything I've got. 212 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,100 Jack, get Abe in here. I'm going to need him to empty the cash register. 213 00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:02,560 Is she great or what? 214 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:04,720 Abe. 215 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,060 You look beautiful, Wally. I want to remember you just like this. 216 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,200 What's going on? 217 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:15,620 I need to bribe Casper Hurst for a good review, so please go out and empty the 218 00:11:15,620 --> 00:11:17,640 cash register and bring me whatever money is in there. 219 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,080 Okay. 220 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,240 Boy, you just can't throw Abe, can you? 221 00:11:22,460 --> 00:11:23,480 Hey, what's going on in here? 222 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:25,780 You guys weren't planning on ditching me, were you? 223 00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:31,300 Ray, give me whatever money you have on you. I'll pay you back tomorrow. 224 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,400 You know what they say, Wally, neither a borrower nor a lender be. 225 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:39,000 Ray, I have to bribe Casper Hurst to get a good review, and I need $1 ,500 to do 226 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,000 it. Bribe? 227 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:41,980 You give a bribe, Wally? 228 00:11:42,460 --> 00:11:46,180 Oh, please. Will you stop with the goody -two -shoes bid and just give me your 229 00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:47,180 money? 230 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,580 Ten dollars? That's all you have? 231 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,099 That's right. 232 00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,180 Ten honest dollars. 233 00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,020 Earned off the sweat of my back. 234 00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:58,480 Toiling in the dumpsters and the landfills. Just give me the money. 235 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:00,600 Excuse me. 236 00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:03,580 Mr. Hirsch says his calf's liver better not be too dry. 237 00:12:03,860 --> 00:12:08,020 Too dry? Actually, he said it better not be all dried up like me. 238 00:12:08,940 --> 00:12:10,160 I hate that man. 239 00:12:11,380 --> 00:12:15,000 That putrefying little maggot. I'd like to bury him up to his neck in my 240 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:19,700 backyard and then get on my riding mower and mow his head off and just watch it 241 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:22,520 roll down the driveway and some kids will come along and they'll play soccer 242 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,760 with it and I'll just stand there with my lemonade and I'll laugh at him all 243 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:26,880 time. Make it easy. 244 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,120 Make it easy. 245 00:12:31,660 --> 00:12:35,280 You don't have to be nice to that creep anymore, Nadine. I just found out he's 246 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:38,300 on the take. But I don't have enough cash to buy a good review. 247 00:12:38,660 --> 00:12:40,640 Well, I have my mad money. 248 00:12:40,940 --> 00:12:44,680 My mother used to call it that. I never knew why. I assumed it was in case she 249 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:45,680 went mad. 250 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,060 Which she did. 251 00:12:47,580 --> 00:12:48,900 Here you go. 252 00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:52,140 Forty. Big one. Give him the green handshake, Wally. 253 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,860 All right. In the register, we had $1 ,120. 254 00:12:55,580 --> 00:12:58,400 Great. Oh, now, wait a minute. Now, if you spend this, we won't have enough 255 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,240 money to pay for that new refrigerator we need. 256 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:04,360 Abe, I know, but we worked so hard to get the shamrock off the ground. 257 00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:06,380 We have so much at stake here. 258 00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:09,340 Okay, here you go. 259 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,420 And I got my tax refund, 108 bucks. 260 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,700 I wanted to buy myself ten minutes' worth of health insurance. 261 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,100 But what the hell? 262 00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:22,380 I want all three of those damn forks. 263 00:13:23,140 --> 00:13:24,140 Thanks, Abe. 264 00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:31,040 Okay. There's $1 ,200, $1 ,300, $1 ,400 and $80, $1 ,400 and 265 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,040 $90. 266 00:13:36,860 --> 00:13:38,820 Give me the $10, Ray. 267 00:13:39,220 --> 00:13:41,540 I can't. It's against my conscience. 268 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:45,600 Ray, I want you to look into my eyes. 269 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:47,600 What do you see? 270 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,560 It's like the opening to hell. 271 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:54,540 That's right, Ray. 272 00:13:55,499 --> 00:13:57,640 Now, give me the money. 273 00:13:58,540 --> 00:14:00,100 All right, I'm in the game. 274 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:05,400 Now, Nadine, Abe, go back out to your post and act casual. 275 00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:07,040 His plate is ready. 276 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,940 I'm going to serve him myself. 277 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,580 Wish me luck, Jack. 278 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,940 Wally, there's something I want to tell you. Do you think it can wait? 279 00:14:20,350 --> 00:14:23,370 I'm about to compromise everything I've ever believed in, and this liver's 280 00:14:23,370 --> 00:14:24,710 getting cold. Oh, sure, sure. 281 00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:34,690 Hello. I'm Wally Porter, the chef and owner of the Blue Shamrock. Let me just 282 00:14:34,690 --> 00:14:38,090 say how enjoyable it's been eating in a neighborhood where the busboys have to 283 00:14:38,090 --> 00:14:39,090 wear flak jackets. 284 00:14:40,050 --> 00:14:43,030 I always like to serve our new customers personally. 285 00:14:43,670 --> 00:14:46,890 And by the way, I added a little extra garnish. 286 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:49,700 I trust it's to your liking. 287 00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:52,160 Oh, yeah. 288 00:14:53,820 --> 00:14:56,960 You know, no meal is ever complete without a little something green. 289 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,980 Ooh, ooh, that does smell good. 290 00:15:04,660 --> 00:15:07,620 I trust you have enough fork? 291 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,240 Oh, yeah. 292 00:15:09,820 --> 00:15:11,800 Three fork, to be exact. 293 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,400 Then, bon appétit. 294 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,000 Well, what happened? 295 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:24,739 It worked! 296 00:15:24,740 --> 00:15:25,860 I was brilliant! 297 00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:29,740 I swear, I pulled it off so smoothly, I could be a government contractor. 298 00:15:31,580 --> 00:15:33,280 I gotta tell you, that was very impressive. 299 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:35,060 I bet you don't pay for cable, either. 300 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:38,400 Personally, I feel sullied. 301 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,660 Now, look, Wally, don't get carried away with this. I'm too old to hop in a beat 302 00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:45,260 -up Chevy with you and drive across country knocking off a string of gas 303 00:15:45,260 --> 00:15:47,060 stations. Excuse me, Wally. 304 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:48,409 Whitney, Dean. 305 00:15:48,410 --> 00:15:51,390 We're having a little problem out in the restaurant there. It's about Mr. 306 00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:54,090 Hirsch. Oh, come on. What does that slug want now? 307 00:15:54,430 --> 00:15:56,670 Well, actually, he's not asking for much of anything. 308 00:15:57,010 --> 00:15:58,050 Then what's the problem? 309 00:15:58,430 --> 00:16:02,230 Oh, how to put this delicately, he's dead as a stump. 310 00:16:08,150 --> 00:16:13,150 Good night, now. Thank you for coming. Don't be strangers. 311 00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:17,230 And remember, death is just a natural part of life. 312 00:16:23,340 --> 00:16:24,720 Wally, Wally, Wally. 313 00:16:25,260 --> 00:16:26,260 They're gone now. 314 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,440 Come on and sit down over here. Look, it's not your fault. 315 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,020 These things happen. Isn't that right, Meg? 316 00:16:32,620 --> 00:16:36,380 I'm looking at a stiff, floating face down in a bed of caramelized onions. 317 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,900 What am I going to tell you? It hurts for me. 318 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:41,800 Oh, man. 319 00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,140 You know how bad things happen in threes? 320 00:16:45,020 --> 00:16:47,040 Well, here comes two and three. We're done now. 321 00:16:49,260 --> 00:16:52,120 I came back to see how Wally was doing. I didn't want her to think that I ran 322 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,360 out on her in her time of need. 323 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:55,640 How you doing, Walt? 324 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:56,980 I know how you can get. 325 00:16:58,580 --> 00:16:59,720 You didn't kill a man, did you? 326 00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,840 No, I didn't kill him. 327 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:11,619 What the hell's going on here? 328 00:17:13,540 --> 00:17:14,540 You from downtown? 329 00:17:15,260 --> 00:17:16,260 No, west side. 330 00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:20,900 Hey, be careful how you handle a plane of evidence there, Pally. One false move 331 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:22,859 in this case ain't worth the paper it's printed on. 332 00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:24,839 Did you call forensics? 333 00:17:25,079 --> 00:17:26,079 You're supposed to do that. 334 00:17:27,099 --> 00:17:28,520 I know that. I was just checking. 335 00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:35,640 My God, this is sickening. 336 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,800 I think you've seen it all, and then something like this happens. 337 00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:43,260 It shakes you up, huh? 338 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:45,760 That's good. 339 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,160 Keeps us human. 340 00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:55,250 By the way, Officer Gilroy. 341 00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:57,410 Yeah? 342 00:17:59,030 --> 00:18:00,030 Are you single? 343 00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:10,590 No, why? 344 00:18:12,070 --> 00:18:13,070 Just curious. 345 00:18:18,150 --> 00:18:19,470 Oh, my God. 346 00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:21,050 What? The money. 347 00:18:22,090 --> 00:18:24,710 Still in his inside coat pocket. I saw him put it there. 348 00:18:24,930 --> 00:18:26,110 We have to get it back. 349 00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:27,430 Wait, what are you talking about? 350 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:28,690 I gotta get the money back. 351 00:18:28,910 --> 00:18:30,150 The man's dead. Dead. 352 00:18:30,390 --> 00:18:34,270 I need the money, Jack. It's my new refrigerator money. I can't afford to 353 00:18:34,270 --> 00:18:35,650 it. Create a diversion. 354 00:18:36,130 --> 00:18:37,130 Create a diversion? 355 00:18:37,490 --> 00:18:39,130 You're scaring me, Wally. I mean it. 356 00:18:39,930 --> 00:18:44,150 Wally, I can handle this. When your husband's in the big house for stock 357 00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:45,350 you learn to live by your wits. 358 00:18:47,270 --> 00:18:48,270 Officers? 359 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:52,100 I'd like a nice cup of coffee and a lovely eclair to get you out of that old 360 00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:53,100 donut rut. 361 00:18:53,140 --> 00:18:54,860 I can go for that. How about you? 362 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:56,320 You got any brioche? 363 00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:00,560 Okay, I'm making my move. 364 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,540 And I was going to tell her I love her today. 365 00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:10,800 I should really think about this. 366 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:12,920 I mean, the woman has ice water in her veins. 367 00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:16,820 I mean, what if she suddenly decides that I've outlived my usefulness? 368 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:20,820 I swear I'll never try to gloss over foreplay again. 369 00:19:25,060 --> 00:19:30,100 I wonder how many corpses Wolfgang Puck had to rob before he became a success. 370 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,420 Okay, I got the money. 371 00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:42,440 At least he didn't put up a struggle. 372 00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:46,940 All the things I've seen here today. 373 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,980 I used to think that you women were the fairer sex. 374 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,460 Now I know you're nothing more than a bunch of pit bulls that smell good. 375 00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:58,120 Well, I don't know about anybody else, but this sort of thing really makes you 376 00:19:58,120 --> 00:19:59,120 think, doesn't it? 377 00:19:59,180 --> 00:20:00,700 You never know when your time is up. 378 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,060 I guess that's why it's important to live each day to the fullest. 379 00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:06,940 Come on, Ray, let's go. I want to get home in time to catch Letterman. 380 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:13,100 Ma 'am, thanks for the snack food. We'll be going now. The coroner's on his way. 381 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:16,520 Wait a minute. What am I supposed to do? Just sit here and stare at him? 382 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,070 I wouldn't bother serving him any coffee. 383 00:20:31,670 --> 00:20:32,870 Molly, look. 384 00:20:34,190 --> 00:20:35,190 It's going to be okay. 385 00:20:36,210 --> 00:20:37,210 I know. 386 00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:46,290 Molly, there's something I really want to tell you. 387 00:20:48,490 --> 00:20:50,390 I hope it's not bad news, Jack. 388 00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:52,830 Well, it depends. 389 00:20:54,790 --> 00:20:56,850 My Jeep is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. 390 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,150 I mean, I waited 42 years. 391 00:21:03,270 --> 00:21:04,270 Oh, hell. 392 00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:07,030 Wally, I love you. 393 00:21:08,690 --> 00:21:09,690 What? 394 00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:11,270 I love you. 395 00:21:12,250 --> 00:21:13,250 Oh. 396 00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:24,640 That's not really the response I was looking for. 397 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,300 Why do you love me, Jack? 398 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:30,680 Why? 399 00:21:32,660 --> 00:21:34,800 Wouldn't you be better off just getting a dog? 400 00:21:36,140 --> 00:21:37,140 Yeah, probably. 401 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,840 I mean, this is very scary. 402 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:45,140 When you say I love you to somebody, it feels so permanent. And for me, 403 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:46,980 permanent always meant boring. 404 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,040 But you're not a boring woman, Wally. 405 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,500 He got that one little screw loose in your brain. 406 00:21:54,900 --> 00:21:55,900 And I love that. 407 00:21:57,820 --> 00:21:59,120 One screw loose? 408 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,720 Jack, the whole chassis is falling apart. 409 00:22:04,100 --> 00:22:07,100 See, just when I think I got you figured out, you surprised me. 410 00:22:07,940 --> 00:22:09,000 And I love that, too. 411 00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:13,420 Oh, well, I just love everything about you. 412 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:19,680 You know, I ordered a pastrami sandwich the other day, and I don't know, 413 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:20,680 suddenly I... 414 00:22:20,750 --> 00:22:22,710 I started to pick the fat off it. 415 00:22:23,210 --> 00:22:24,470 I'd never done that before. 416 00:22:25,670 --> 00:22:29,130 I guess I just want to live a little longer so I can spend more time with 417 00:22:32,410 --> 00:22:33,410 So what do you think? 418 00:22:38,770 --> 00:22:40,130 I hate you, Jack Stein. 419 00:22:40,930 --> 00:22:42,010 Well, that's another way to go. 420 00:22:43,210 --> 00:22:47,390 I hate you because you came into my life at exactly the wrong time, and you 421 00:22:47,390 --> 00:22:48,390 screwed everything up. 422 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,160 And we're totally wrong for each other. 423 00:22:52,100 --> 00:22:57,140 And none of it matters because I love you too. 424 00:23:13,940 --> 00:23:16,560 Do you believe in life after death? 425 00:23:17,490 --> 00:23:20,370 Wow, we're really talking about an extended commitment here. 426 00:23:21,590 --> 00:23:25,510 Why don't we just make a date for next New Year's Eve and go from there? 427 00:23:26,310 --> 00:23:27,310 You're on.